Yaya kike? I was surprised to hear your lodge mates talking about your departure. They said you were off to the market to buy the basket of onions you were taking home with you. Haba! I thought you’d spend some more time with us here in Katsina after your Passing-out Parade or better still get a job here and settle down. I knew you loved life here so I was surprised that you were rushing home immediately. I didn’t realise how soon your passing out would take place. I remember just like yesterday, you walked into this compound with a funny look on your face. I smiled at that look. The kofas before you had similar expressions on their faces the first time they came.
I have enjoyed having you live here. It thrilled me to see that you came without much bias against Northeners and thus, were open to learn our way of life. I was glad that you didn’t start out with wearing those abominable mini-skirts I hear ladies from your part of the country love to wear. It’s not like our men claim to be eunuchs. Far from it! We just prefer seeing beautiful legs within the confines of a bedroom. Why do you think Alhaji Murtala, your landlord, treated you like his daughter? He was impressed with the way you usually dressed in kaftans and long gowns to school.
However, I observed you never tasted our food. The most you ever did was drink kunu zaki. I know you didn’t like the appearance of most of the food but my dear, they’re very nutritive. We have quite a variety of food unlike your people. Well, I saw it in your eyes that you’re one of those ajebo children who are always scared that their stomach would purge once they taste local delicacies they’re not accustomed to. By the way, why don’t you fear for your stomach when you go to Chinese restaurants? Ba matsala.
You may tell the stories of your experience in our state but remind those you tell that life here is also a reflection of Nigeria as a whole. Those boys who threatened to hurt you during the bye-elections are just a picture of the effects of poverty and dwindling moral values. They must have been promised financial reward by one of the candidates and they needed to rig the elections for this to happen.
The almajiri boys who nearly snatched your purse on your way back from church were just victims of neglect and poor upbringing.
The bike man who caused your first road accident and abandoned you at the clinic was simply trying to avoid shouldering the cost of your treatment. How could he pay for your treatment when he didn’t even have money in his pocket?
Will you miss Kareem? Hahahahahahaha. . . . Yes, I knew about Kareem and how you avoided giving your phone number to him. The young man was in love with you but you refused to give him attention. Was it because of those boys in the East? Boys who keep singing I’ll catch a grenade for you yet didn’t have the simple courage to come and visit you while you were here in the North. I hiss in amused disgust. Here was a handsome and industrious man trying to woo you and you were running away. Were you scared of reciprocating the love of a man because his people are largely polygamous? Anyway, he shall find another pretty woman. When a woman says no, a man has to move on.
May the blessings of the creator be with you. Ansauka lafiya back to the East and please remember to tell your people over there that Boko Haram is not a second name for the Hausa tribe like most of them think.